How do you know when you are finally at peace? Well, when you find yourself on the table in the ER having them give you a drug to stop and restart your heart….and you are at peace…your have life up until that point flashes before you and you feel completely at peace…no regrets, nothing is left unsaid, nothing is left undone…you realize in that moment that you have everything you have ever needed and you have finally started living your life from a place of love, allowing and in the moment of gratitude.
Yes, this was me a few months ago. It was surreal, it still feels surreal even writing about it now. I am a very healthy 42 year old, I eat really well, exercise, have a meditation practice and as of lately been choosing to only do what makes me happy! And there I was just in the car after a nice lunch with my husband and my heart went thump thump. We were on a bumpy road so I thought hopefully that was just the road. I was not that lucky, it was my heart, it started pounding out of my chest. I thought hmmm this is odd maybe I just need to relax and calm it down.
So when we got to our destination I tried laying on the couch, to no avail the pounding just got worse. My husband started to get concerned, he looked at me and said “Do you want me to take you to the ER?” I was like thinking this is crazy, I actually have to go the ER, what is going on? So on we went, thank goodness we did because they immediately went into action…I am thinking it’s not that bad..then when the room was taking over with Doctors and nurses you name it and on the phone asking for help STAT..It started to hit me, that this was serious.
They plugged me into everything every which way to Sunday and my heart rate was topping off at 210…which I could not see, but my husband informed me later. They asked me to do this Vagal exercise that I had never heard of. At the time I was not sure if it was to just slow down my heart or have it reset? I tried them and they did not work, so they said we are going to give you this drug that stops your heart for a few beats. You may justl feel a sense of doom come over you, but it will all be ok…
Be ok, really…now this is crazy, I ask what are the side effects (just what the Dr. wanted to hear, but this is serious stuff your going to put in me) He just said it only stays in your body for 15 seconds and it is actually already something naturally produced in your body this is just it say 10,000 times more.
Yikes, Ok. I am looking at my husband and he looks extremely concerned looking at the monitor, it was all so fast, I was fine then here I am feeling like I am starring who knows what in the face…my heart is going to stop…and hopefully restart…Really? Well ,we also have the Electric cart outside if we need to manually if there is an issue…
Ok, at this point I am fading into a very peaceful state literally seeing my life flash before my eyes, I was so calm, even though my heart was pounding out of control, there was this sense of complete peace. I had no regrets, I was happy, I had forgiven those I needed to forgive as well as myself, I had loved those I wanted to love, I lived life with vigor and passion…I actually said to myself I know it’s not my time, but if it was I am not afraid, I have no fear, I am here to allow the divine to guide me to my best pathway …..
The drug (adenosine) did not work…but it felt crazy all throughout my body, through every vein…then the nurse beside me looks at me and says “ok, let’s try this one more time, this time really hard, like you are bearing down trying to have a bowel movement…while she is instructing me, the other nurse has reloaded another adenosine shot, double dose this time because the last one was not strong enough, plugging it into my line getting ready to administer it.
So I am hearing and seeing that on one side and this nurse on the other…So this time I am thinking I better push like hell …So I did…I pushed like there was no tomorrow and Alas in a split second I could feel my hear beat go back to normal rhythm and I started yelling “it’s back, it’s back, I don’t need anymore of that stuff!!”
They were seeing it on the screen and it dropped from 210 to 126 boom like that, but they waited a few seconds to make sure it was good and the nurse finally took the needle out of my line. Wow, ok this was crazy, how did I get here?
Everything calmed down and my heart rate slowly came back to normal. They kept an eye on me for a bit and explained what happened.
The Doctor said I had an SVT episode Super ventricular tachycardia. In simple terms this is when an electrical impulse goes up the wrong loop to your heart and cause it to stay on that loop until it restarts.
I now realize that this is not so uncommon and many people suffer from this issue. I know that some of you that have also gone through this or are still going through this, you may be thinking I am making a huge deal out of this, but for me in that moment it was a huge deal. Since this episode I have not looked at life the same, it was a blessing that has allowed me to be even more present, feel even deeper, appreciate every moment knowing that they are fleeting.
To be continued…..Would love to hear from anyone who has suffered from SVT’s…You are not alone!
Like every challenge in our life the blessing from this has been the ability to go even deeper with my clients and my work.
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Marinna Rose brings her clients from pain and struggle to Soul Purpose, igniting their entrepreneurial spirit. She loves working with her Signature System “Soul Flower Methodology” that blends all of her specialty knowledge into one laser focused system that reignites her clients purpose and mission of their soul.